Leading and managing people is difficult, and it’s a mixture of communication, prioritisation, and delegation. There are many skills involved, but one of the most critical to success is empathy, which allows you to understand how people feel and understand their needs and desires.
But are empathetic leaders born or made?
The meaning of empathy
Empathy means understanding what another person is going through by taking their perspective and feeling their emotions. You essentially enter their world and feel what they are feeling at that moment. Or, as Brené Brown describes it, empathy is “feeling with people”.
Empathy should not be confused with sympathy. It isn’t just about feeling sad or sorry for someone else; it’s about putting yourself in someone else’s shoes and imagining what they might be going through.
When you consider this from the perspective of others, you develop a deeper understanding of their needs. You will be more effective at meeting people’s needs and goals and making decisions that consider all relevant factors rather than just your own personal preferences.
Can empathy be learnt?
Similarly to leadership, there is a debate as to whether a person’s ability to empathise results from nature or nurture. Is empathy something that people, and therefore leaders, are born with? Or is it something we can learn and develop like any other skill?
Let’s take a look at both sides of the debate.
Empathetic leaders are born
On one side of the coin is the belief that empathy is a trait we are born with, and the ability to empathise with others follows us into later life.
Some people consider themselves ‘intuitive empaths’ and believe they were born with the innate ability to tap into others’ emotions. ‘Intuitive empaths’ are considered skilled at taking in all the signals around them to assess the situation. They observe the verbal and non-verbal cues coming from others and respond accordingly.
However, there is no scientific research to evidence that intuitive empaths exist. Furthermore, there are other ways to display empathy.
What about empathy in children? We often see children demonstrate empathy and mirror emotions because they understand how upset or frightened their friends may be.
An article from Psychology Today suggests the cognitive function where children can see the emotions that others are feeling develops as early as the age of four. But if most, if not all, people develop this cognitive ability, why are some leaders much more empathetic than others?
Empathetic leaders are made
Multiple studies show that empathy is a skill that can be accrued and improved over time. In addition to having the cognitive ability to understand others’ emotions, we need to be able to read them, which is where skills such as active and observant listening and effective questioning come into play. While these skills may be more natural to some people than others, they can be learnt and developed, even becoming a subconscious habit if it is done enough.
Similarly, how leaders communicate with their teams to demonstrate empathy by acknowledging their people’s emotions and showing understanding requires various skills. Strong verbal (the words we use), paraverbal (tone, pitch, and pace) and non-verbal (body language, gestures and facial expressions) skills are crucial. Depending on the conversation, leaders may need to use skills such as emotional awareness, impulse control, and emotional expression.
We are all a work in progress, and our backgrounds and experiences can help improve our self-awareness and empathetic communication. For example, if a leader has had knockbacks in the past, they will be more equipped to empathise with one of their staff members who may be going through the same thing.
When working with leaders, we use the Emotional Intelligence tool EQ-i 2.0 to test empathy, among other areas, and see the skill improving following focused development.
Empathetic leaders are both born and made
Overall, it is clear that both nature and nurture have elements to play in the empathy of our leaders. In terms of which is more responsible for our ability to empathise, a study by Varun Warrier, a PhD student at the Autism Research Centre, showed that genetics contribute to around 10% of our ability to empathise. In comparison, the remaining 90% is something we can learn and build on.
We are all born with the capacity to express and feel empathy. However, many external factors influence our empathetic starting point, including our learned behaviour during childhood.
People’s past experiences can make it easier to relate to the emotions of others. If they have had the same or similar experiences, it enables them to tap into those emotions and aid understanding.
In summary, empathetic leaders are (mostly) made. Therefore, a leader’s ability to empathise with their teams and demonstrate such empathy can be learnt and developed. Leaders merely require the proper training and development, combined with the appropriate level of motivation.
Tapping into our innate ability to be empathetic and allowing these communication skills to become a habit can go a long way toward creating a rapport and building strong relationships with your team members. Book your free discovery call here if you’d like to discuss how we can help you develop your empathy skills.
Published 5th December 2022.
